Just so you know

All right. I have ideas. I think about stuff. So here is the spot for stuff I'm thinking about and want to be able to share more broadly and possibly promote. Like I have time for this.

Everything is provisional at this point and subject to change in the future - as far as the blog is concerned. In real life some things will remain unchanged.

Also, our children are not really named Lenny and Linus. We are not that cool.

Feel free to share, rant, disagree, but please remember that I'm an actual person who tries to be respectful. I'd love it if you are and do to.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Mommy Tip Monday: Road Trip with a Baby in 33 Easy Steps

This wisdom comes from very recent experience.  While I was not getting any sleep last night it occurred to me that when daylight came it would be Monday and I could share it with you as my second installment of Mommy Tip Monday.

Overnight stays with a baby pose special challenges.  Here is what you should do:
  1. Put everything you own in a minivan.
  2. Put the baby, and any other participating family members in the minivan.
  3. Drive to location that is too far to drive home from in one day.
  4. Take everything you own out of the minivan.
  5. Simultaneously take baby out of the minivan.  
  6. Reintroduce him to the people who live too far away to see on a regular basis.
  7. Hope he does not cry when they hold him so you can organize your belongings.
  8. Take baby back from disappointed grandparents.  
  9. Put him on a blanket while you quickly move belongings out of common areas.
  10. Feed the baby.
  11. Visit and eat a meal while holding the baby.
  12. Arrange bedding and put older child to bed while baby cries in exhausted frustration at not being constantly held.
  13. Nurse baby for five minutes until he falls alseep.
  14. Put baby down and unwind for 45 minutes or so.
  15. Turn out the light.
  16. Immediately nurse the baby.
  17. Put the baby down.
  18. Spend half an hour trying to fall asleep.
  19. Nurse the baby.
  20. Spend 45 minutes sleeping.
  21. Nurse the baby.
  22. Repeat steps 20 and 21 until 4:20 a.m. when the baby wakes up and smiles at you.
  23. Ignore all of the images floating through your brain.
  24. Get baby back to sleep.
  25. When daylight comes find caffeine.  
  26. Continue infant/grandparent reintroduction program.
  27. Repeat steps 10-26 as needed until it's time to return home.
  28. Put everything you own back in the minivan.
  29. Drive back home.
  30. Take everything you own out of the minivan.
  31. Deposit it in random locations in your home.
  32. Repeat steps 13-19.  
  33. Sleep until you hear the baby crying or the neighbors knock on the door to complain about the noise.

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