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All right. I have ideas. I think about stuff. So here is the spot for stuff I'm thinking about and want to be able to share more broadly and possibly promote. Like I have time for this.

Everything is provisional at this point and subject to change in the future - as far as the blog is concerned. In real life some things will remain unchanged.

Also, our children are not really named Lenny and Linus. We are not that cool.

Feel free to share, rant, disagree, but please remember that I'm an actual person who tries to be respectful. I'd love it if you are and do to.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

If Babies Ran the Internet



Content on the internet, possibly more than any other form of mass communication is driven by users - right?  I have a laptop, and an internet connection and BAM! I have a blog about... ...whatever my blog is about when I get around to doing posts.

Today it occurred to me that if babies were the ones generating content the internet would be a much different place.  Since my baby is "older" (crawling but not walking) lots of my examples relate to that stage.  I started posting these on Twitter with the hashtag #ifbabiesrantheinternet but the (incredibly small portion of the) Twitterverse that (theoretically) knows I exist is ignoring them, so here they are for my loyal blog readers:

Blog posts and news stories would change to include the following:

  • "Everything You Want to Know about Your Older Sibling's Bedroom (but can't get in to find out)"
  • Tips for avoiding long car trips.  
  • "Hanging out with Daddy and Other True Stories of Surviving in the Midst of Adversity" (Sorry!)
  • "17 Really Good Reasons to Cry (With 2 Foolproof Reasons for those Who Can't Count to 17)"
  • "Tired Parents and Other Myths"  
  • Inspiring stories of resisting sleep training. 
  • Tips for maintaining proper boob access.  
  • "7 Signs it's Time to Drop that Pesky Morning Nap."
  • "Five Scientifically Verified Reasons Why Food on Mommy's Plate Tastes Better."  
  • Ironic lists of stuff moms freak out about. 
  • Advice about strategic times to poop.  
  • Great parodies of adults saying stuff like "did you poop?"
Social media would also change.  There would be:
  • Snarky social media posts about siblings with all their teeth not really being better at biting people.
  • Theories about why adults find "peek-a-boo" so entertaining.  
  • Shocking revelations about objects it that are not pleasant to put in the mouth. 
  •  Instagram pics of tasty snacks found under the kitchen table. 
  •   A lot more videos of people dropping things.
Real life might even change.  For example I'm pretty sure that waterproof cameras would be included in hospital goodie bags.

I'm sure there are plenty more of these.  What have I missed?
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5 comments:

  1. Athena CarsonAugust 28, 2014 at 4:11 PM

    This is hilarious! Especially "Tired Parents and Other Myths." My 15-month-old is REALLY testing that one right now. Sleeping at 11 p.m., up for a snack at 3:00 a.m., up AGAIN before 7:00 a.m. ... I can tell you I no longer feel guilty for turning on Frozen for him in the morning so that I'm not late to work AGAIN while I derail my morning routine and make him breakfast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RachelAugust 28, 2014 at 5:44 PM

      Oh dear. Sounds like someone's been reading "Seven Steps to getting More Screen Time."

      Glad you enjoyed the lists!

      Delete
    2. RachelAugust 28, 2014 at 5:46 PM

      (Which is to say, I totally get it about the video.)

      Delete
  2. UnknownSeptember 2, 2014 at 11:19 AM

    Hi Rachel! My name is Cameron Von St. James and I had a quick question for you! I was wondering if you could email me at your earliest convenience at cvonstjames AT gmail DOT com :-) I greatly appreciate your time!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RachelSeptember 3, 2014 at 9:37 AM

      I'm sorry I don't do email correspondence with people I am in contact with only through the blog. You can contact me through my blog's Facebook page or through my Twitter account. Links to both are on this page.

      Delete

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